Outstretched Hand

Take Action

I love my job. There is nothing more powerful to me than helping someone take action to move forward in their life. And when I watch a client take control and and take their marriage to the next level? You can’t wipe the smile off my face for days!

I’m often asked why I got into coaching in the first place. The simple answer is that I love helping people.

The deeper answer is that I realized that one of the reasons so many marriages fail is that many of us never had a great model to follow. Even those of us that did (my own parents were very much in love and worked well together as a team) can still see their marriage fail (as my first one did after 16 years.)

When looking at my own experience I saw that even though I was committed to being married, I was not committed to being a great husband. I had a pretty good model, but I lacked the skills needed to keep it together. And it never occurred to me to ask for help, until it was too late.

Once I understood that I made it my mission to work with (primarily) husbands to give them the skills they need in their marriage, so that they can model a great marriage for their children. Additionally those parents can then be mentors who speak into their children’s marriages.

I’m here to help kickstart a cycle of strong marriages that carries on for generations. That is what gets me out of bed in the morning. That is what drives me to be fully present for my clients. That is, to put it simply, my God-given mission in this life.

As a coach I can work with anybody to help them get the results they want in life. And I specialize in working with Men who want a marriage that makes their friends jealous. As in, “I want a marriage like Ted has!” In general I prefer working with Christian Men as it gives me a leg up because I have God on my side.

Now comes the rant.

It absolutely drives me crazy when I meet strong Christian men who know that their marriage is not what it should be. But their solution is to pray for things to get better… and that’s it!

Now, I believe firmly in the power of prayer, and, yes, it is within God’s power to simply change your heart, and “fix everything” in your marriage. However, I’ve never seen that happen. Not “just like that.” Not without a lot of effort on our part. (Check out James 1:22 for one reason why.)

The Lord may open your eyes, and even give you the strength you need, but you have to do something. Sadly most men (and women) in this position don’t know what to do. If they did, they would have been doing it already. So they wait, begging the Lord to save their marriage while they sit idly by as it slowly continues to die.

Like I said, it drives me crazy. I have the tools and the knowledge they need, and they won’t take the step to work with me because “they have faith that God will answer their prayer.”

I’m reminded of the story of a man trapped on the roof of his house during a nasty flood. A rowboat comes by and calls the man to get in and be rescued. He responds, “It’s alright. God will save me.” The boat moves on and the waters continue to rise. Soon a motorboat comes by and, again, they call for the man to get in. Again he says, “It’s alright. God will save me.” Finally the water is up to his chest and a helicopter comes by with a rope ladder. They yell for the man to grab hold. The man waves and says once more, “It’s alright. God will save me.” Eventually he is overcome by the flood water and drowns. Once in Heaven he meets God and complains to him, “What happened? I had faith in You. Why didn’t you save me?” The Lord replies, “What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter for you!”

I don’t put a lot of stock in coincidences. If you are struggling in any way in your marriage and I (or someone like me) suddenly appears in your life, well, that’s what we call a clue. Or, you might even call it an answer to prayer.

I’m here to help.

I want the best for you and your marriage.

It’s why I’m here.

All you need to do is take action and ask.

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Back to Basics

A few days ago I posted a video where I discussed my journey as a guitar player and how that mirrored my marriage journey. (If you missed it you can watch it here. Take a few minutes, I’ll wait for you.)

The main message was about learning to listen, however there was another message there that I want to take some time now to expand on.

When I decided to get serious about really learning to play my guitar, I decided to go back to basics. To start from square one, as if I was brand new. I made a conscious decision to follow the steps as presented by my coach in his program.

Why is that so important?

Because, even though I know some things, I don’t know everything (as evidenced by my lack of skill). And, what’s more important, what I do know I may know “wrong”, and that misunderstood “knowledge” could really be holding me back.

This is a situation that I see in many of my clients. They know some things about marriage. They even do many things well. But, they’ve usually missed some fundamental skills, and some of the techniques they use are doing more harm than good.

When I run seminars, I always address this situation right up front when I ask the participants to listen with an open mind, forgetting what they already “know” so that they can be open to the new ideas I have to share with them.

This attitude of “going back to basics” is super important when you are trying to up-level your existing knowledge. It allows you to fill in the knowledge gaps you have, correct any misunderstandings in your method, and take the things you were already doing right to a whole new level.

Karate masters use this principle in their ongoing training. Every so often a black belt will start again as a brand new white belt student and rise through the ranks again. Perfecting their technique opens them to new levels of understanding and mastery.

Take a minute to evaluate your marriage:

  • Is your relationship less than you hoped it would be?
  • Are there areas where you struggle because you’re “missing something”?
  • Would you like to take it to the next level, to have a marriage that makes your friends jealous?

I bet you got at least one ‘YES!’, right? Great! None of us are perfect and when we pretend that nothing is wrong we can create a pattern that hurts everyone we love. Trust me, it isn’t the best choice and it doesn’t work in the long-run.

If you’re ready to get back to basics and learn how to have the best marriage possible – to go for real mastery! – you are the perfect candidate for a new program that I’ll be launching in the next week.

There’ll be limited space and it will be filled on a first-come-first-served basis. To reserve your spot in line just fill out the form below and you’ll be the first to get all the details.

And, as always, if you’d like to learn more about what having a coach can do for not only your marriage but your life in general, click the Book a Discovery Session button to have a no obligation chat with me.

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Happy Wife, Happy Life

“Happy wife, happy life” is a mantra for many husbands that I meet. On the surface it sounds reasonable, noble even. Unfortunately it masks a massive issue, one that, sadly, can lead to a decidedly unhappy conclusion for everyone involved.

On the surface it seems like a Good Thing™ to keep your wife happy. Truthfully what “happy wife happy life” translates to for most guys is: “do the minimum required to keep my wife from nagging me so that I can do what I want.”

Doesn’t seem like such a noble pursuit in that light does it?

If your only motivation for pleasing your wife is to “keep her off your back” so you can pursue your own interests; well, I think I can safely predict that soon enough you won’t have that nagging wife around anymore and you’ll have plenty of time to do whatever you want… alone.

Our goal as husbands should be to lift up our wives. To make them feel well and truly loved. In a word to cherish them.

One of the tools that I use in my couples coaching is called the SYMBIS report. It’s a detailed inventory of how a couple relates to each other in key areas of the marriage. Each report is fully customized to each couple except for one line that is the same in every report.

“As your wife, she will need to be cherished more than you think.”

This is a universal truth. Husbands need to be respected and wives need to be cherished.

In my seminars I often point out that what your wife really needs to know is that “you’ve got her back” Which is just a translation of the concept of “cherish” into guy-speak.

So let that be the motivating factor in how you relate to her. Show her in everything you do that you’ve got her back. Put her needs first. Not so she’ll leave you alone, so that she’ll never dream of leaving, period. Let her know that she is truly cherished.

That is the real key to a happy wife, and a happy life.