Happy Wife, Happy Life

“Happy wife, happy life” is a mantra for many husbands that I meet. On the surface it sounds reasonable, noble even. Unfortunately it masks a massive issue, one that, sadly, can lead to a decidedly unhappy conclusion for everyone involved.

On the surface it seems like a Good Thing™ to keep your wife happy. Truthfully what “happy wife happy life” translates to for most guys is: “do the minimum required to keep my wife from nagging me so that I can do what I want.”

Doesn’t seem like such a noble pursuit in that light does it?

If your only motivation for pleasing your wife is to “keep her off your back” so you can pursue your own interests; well, I think I can safely predict that soon enough you won’t have that nagging wife around anymore and you’ll have plenty of time to do whatever you want… alone.

Our goal as husbands should be to lift up our wives. To make them feel well and truly loved. In a word to cherish them.

One of the tools that I use in my couples coaching is called the SYMBIS report. It’s a detailed inventory of how a couple relates to each other in key areas of the marriage. Each report is fully customized to each couple except for one line that is the same in every report.

“As your wife, she will need to be cherished more than you think.”

This is a universal truth. Husbands need to be respected and wives need to be cherished.

In my seminars I often point out that what your wife really needs to know is that “you’ve got her back” Which is just a translation of the concept of “cherish” into guy-speak.

So let that be the motivating factor in how you relate to her. Show her in everything you do that you’ve got her back. Put her needs first. Not so she’ll leave you alone, so that she’ll never dream of leaving, period. Let her know that she is truly cherished.

That is the real key to a happy wife, and a happy life.

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