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Answering the Number One Question

When men find out that I’m a marriage coach the number one question they ask is, “Can you fix my wife?”

Not “What advice do you have for me?” or “Cool, what do I need to do to really let my wife know I love her?” or even “How much do you charge?” But “Can you fix my wife?”

I can’t say i’m really surprised by this. We know our motives, we know why we do something, so we automatically assume our way of thinking is “right” and, if they could just come around to my side everything would be great. We rarely take the time to try to understand other people’s points of view, and sadly, that often goes double for our spouse.

We tell ourselves, “She should just know what I mean. After all we’ve been together for years.” And in the same breath we complain, “I never know what she’s talking about. I’ll never understand her.”

It sounds pretty bad when you see it back-to-back like that eh?

When I encounter this situation with my clients I like to play a special game with them. I especially like to play it right after they’ve had a good rant about how their wife’s impression of them is totally wrong.

It’s called the “What if everything my wife says about me is right game”

The rules are simple. Imagine that everything your wife says about you is right. Your opinion doesn’t matter. Now, if that is the case, what does that mean about you?

It’s a sobering experiment.

It looks a bit like this:

Client: My wife says that I’m always yelling.

Me: Assume she’s right. What does that mean?

Client: It must mean that I’m talking louder than I think I am. Come to think of it her dad always yelled at her when she was a kid. He was a real piece of work you know, and…. Aw crap, she thinks I’m acting just like her dad! No wonder she keeps trying to avoid talking to me.

It’s amazing what we can understand when we take the time to see things from our spouse’s point of view.

I encourage you to take some time to play this game yourself this week. You may just learn something and strengthen your marriage at the same time.

By the way, my standard answer to the Number One Question is, “That’s odd, your wife asked me if I could fix you.”

If you’re interested in finding out exactly what your wife is talking about click the button below. I’m ready to help you out.

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